| Writer's Block: Here's the Skinny... |
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| 05:34am 20/04/2008 |
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Have I ever been skinny dipping?
No, I haven't. Although during highschool, my date at the time and a couple of her friends did. I chickened out. Now here's a question, why would you go skinny dipping in December? =x |
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| 02:06pm 28/06/2007 |
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rofl, wow.
First off, I'm a MySpace junkie. Well, not so much now but thats a different story. In any case, I've met alot of old friends and that caused my attention to stay there for awhile.
So when I came back to check LJ ( Due to Carlie's MySpace bulletin linking to it ), I was surprised to see my account was still up along with all my old rants/posts.
What did I do? Well, I did what every other person would do and read back on all the stuff I posted and the comments people left.
I will say this right here, right now - I apologize to those who I didn't reply in the past. Literally. There are quite a few comments that was open for me to reply and I never did. I rarely checked for comments on LJ from my own posts. So I have to apologize. I kinda feel bad for leaving somebody hanging without saying a thing, so there you go. Thats my reason.
Some of my posts leave me wondering 'wtf was I smoking' and some of them sounded alright. Guess thats all what a journal is for, a good slap to the back of your head whether the past was right or wrong. |
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| Thanksgiving Break |
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| 02:19am 26/11/2006 |
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Cold winds
Warms smiles
A day of thanks
A week's break
Gathering of families
Remembrance of friends
Good times to be had
All because of one past day
Take it how you want folks, hope you had a good one.
For me, my break was well needed. I spaced my visitations between my two families and I sent the Happy Thanksgiving greeting to all those in my cell phone.
I actually had a great time. Going from shooting skeets and targets with my cousins, to riding 4 wheelers in the woods, to talking to my Uncle Scott about God ( He loves it when people talk about Christianity to him. I'm no die hard, but I do listen and reply appropriately ), to sitting down and listening to how my mother and my aunts ran around the Memphis Mall like little kids ( I 'think' they got kicked out of Dilliards for goofing around, lol ), to finding some distant family members that have the same gaming interest as myself and in turn introduced me to what I shall call my 'Dorky Heaven' ( Or is it Geeky? I'll explain that later ), to playing with my Uncle Rodney's dog Jake ( Boxer breed, and do I want one now? Oh hell yeah. ), and I'll stop here - to finally sitting around a bonfire with my family, talking and listening about past stories ( My Uncle Bob got to talking about his time in Engineering, where they pulled these pranks called 'Greasing'. Ask me about it if you're curious and I'll explain ).
Now. My new found 'Dorky Heaven'. Very few of my friends know I'm a big addict to Gamesworkshop 'Warhammer'. Specifically 'Warhammer 40k' ( There's Fantasy and 40k, I'm into the 40k ). There's a distribution center just south of Memphis and its HUGE. Its a shipping and recieving area, but part of the building is also used as a hobby center for gamers. They are called Battle Bunkers.
Well, imagine this. You drive up and you see this GIANT statue of a Space Marine ( Google Space Marine Warhammer and you'll see what I mean ). When I saw this, the gamer inside me almost died in happiness. I literally had to stop the car and just stare. Then you look behind said statue and see this big building. About the size of a University football stadium, well, ok, not that big but almost! Now, half of that is the 'Gaming Center'.
You walk in, and you see TONS of people with minature armies painted in vast various colors of whatever their imagination can come up with! You can customize the units as you please as well! So going from table to table to table to see the artwork of what people have done to their army was beautiful.
I only wished I brought my Dark Eldar ( See Sado-Masochism freaks of space elves ) to play against these armies! Besides, my army needs some new slaves to toy with, its been a long time since I played! Just going in there makes me want to get back into the hobby pronto!
Now don't get me wrong, I love my family and love coming to visit. Just seems that everytime I come up here now that I find something new to do or go out and see. So that was my thing for this trip, and I certainly can't wait to make another trip up here.
So - camping, hunting, shooting guns, water skiing, fishing, hiking, riding 4 wheelers, riding through Memphis which is confusing as hell ( Almost as confusing as New Orleans ), and now going to a gaming hobby store which I did not know existed this close.
The one thing I miss though about up here, is my Pop. I miss the 'joy rides' with him, cause he always had a story to tell. I'm sure he had more stories to tell before he passed away and everytime I come up here, I look at his truck and just sigh. I'm sure he's in good hands though. He might've been a grouchy man, but he was one to always look out for people and care about them. |
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| Camille was a Lady, Katrina was a Bitch - and this is about a Birthday |
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| 09:54am 25/10/2006 |
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So I turn 24 tomorrow, Thursday Oct 26th.
Anywho, a friend of mine seemed anxious in trying to get something started for my birthday. We're aiming to do something on Friday night. Most likely at my current place of residence since everybody is gone and I have the place to myself.
So if you can show up, or want to show up, give me a call at 228-257-2768 and I'll give you as much details as I can ( For what I know so far ).
We may end up going to the movies or staying at the place and watching DvDs on a big screen TV with some refreshments or whatnot. We'll see though since I didn't really plan on doing anything for my birthday, heh. |
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| wtf |
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| 02:38am 01/10/2006 |
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They changed LJ around alot. |
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| 03:00pm 28/07/2006 |
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My mother was pretty depressed today, she said to me, "John, I don't know how you do it."
"How I do what?"
"Be alone. Stay in that room. Go out and do things by yourself."
At first I thought she was disappointed that I didn't go out, or have a job or something. But it wasn't that, or so she says. Afterall, I've been out by myself alot more the past two weeks than I've ever been hanging out with friends, and I have tried to get a job quite a few times.
There was more of a conversation though, but that really startled me - especially coming from her. Is it that noticable now? How anti-social I am?
My granny ( Mother's mom ) has always told me that my mom, when growing up, was really social. She couldn't stand being alone, she always had to go out and get to know people. It was her thing to do. She could be in a room full of strangers, and within minutes know each one of their names by memory.
I wasn't sure exactly what to say. The only time I've ever been really sociable, was back in Elementary school days when everybody knew ME ( Face it, I went from a really handsome kid to a horrible looking toothpick kind of guy. And yes, I'm being sarcastic ).
That actually hit me hard, but for what reason, I have no idea. Now I'm left wondering.
All I could say was that I was thankful that everytime I woke up, I was still breathing and moving. I mean, atleast then you KNOW you have a CHOICE to do something different or whatnot. Still, that doesn't help out or explain why I am always alone. I could go on and talk about people backstabbing, lying, etc to me all throughout my life and in turn I grew bitter and cold from it, but anybody could use that as an excuse or reason.
Plus I don't want to believe that is the case.
Hrm, now I'm going to be thinking, alot. |
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| 08:18am 18/07/2006 |
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I must admit, there are some Christian music bands out there that have the coolest sounds to their music.
I'm talking 'cool' as in, wearing shades, the 'hair-do', the cruising in your convertible with the roof down and your arm resting on the door kind of cool. |
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| Help? |
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| 11:33pm 02/07/2006 |
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mood:  annoyed music: Nothing Else Matters - Metallica
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Despite a few readers at the moment, I felt it would be a good time for myself to put down something for me to read later in life ( That is, if LiveJournal never goes down ). In that, I hope I learn something from this, or re-collect things to help me think more of situations and what happened in the end.
Now for those wondering, picture yourself enjoying your friend's company. In my case, a female of course. The two of you share alot of simularities, but for the moment you wave it off thinking it as a coincedence. Yet each time you're together, something common comes between the two of you.
Being a open minded person, you end up thinking more of it. All the while, you are continuing to be amazed or even admiring your friend. Your friend could be just a simple person, a naive person, yet to you - you see something more. So for the moment, you're probably thinking that you found a really great friend.
Then the two of you just really click, always getting along, always having fun, always being there to lend a shoulder to lean on, and always there to share personal stories. In general, you're just being great friends.
You allowed yourself to think too much. You find yourself falling for your friend. So you cut connections off. Whether your friend found somebody else or not, you just ignore all calls, all text messages, all emails, the sort. Then months later you figure you lost your feelings for your friend, so you decide to hang back out. You've always enjoyed her company, so why not, thats what makes good friends right?
It goes well for abit, then it slaps you right across your face again. What do you do? How do you stop it?
She now knows you like her, alot. She keeps telling you that she only wants to be friends, and you agree, but YOU cannot help it. She ends up being a very amazing person to you. You're not falling for a name, you're falling for a person. The looks doesn't matter, its all the personality. So what do you do?
You think the torment of being a good friend is worth it, so you continue doing so. You don't ask her out. Whenever the two of you are together, its always in the company of one or more others around. You don't go anywhere past a hug, no holding hands, no light pecks on the cheek, nothing affectionate. Yet you can't get her off your mind.
So you decide to look at other girls, it doesn't work out. You can't find any of them attractive to get your friend off your mind. You can't even think perverted or dirty thoughts, porn doesn't even help. Nevermind you also have the guilt of even doing this in the first place. What gives?
Then you realize, you can't be her friend. It just won't work out. Yet you don't want to date her, you don't want to ruin a good thing, a good friendship. She's not even persuing you, she doesn't think of you that way. She highly regards you as a great friend and thats it, yet you think of her as more. Can you help it?
So then it dawns on you. If you can't be her friend, and you don't want to step in her way, whats left? Break the friendship. Go on a longer duration of absence? Maybe even a permanent thing. Its probably for the best. Afterall, she's going to find her own interests. If thats the case, you'll get jealous.
When you get jealous, you could probably do something bad, something insulting, something very offensive. Anger? Envy?
So maybe its for the best to cut all ties for good? If its going to happen one way or another, wouldn't you rather just stop it while its good?
Or would you continue to go through the torment, being her good friend as always. Always being there, whenever she calls or talks to you. Then perhaps maybe later down the road, your feelings will fall off and they will no longer be there. You could be good friends then, but then you couldn't help but realize on how wasted the feelings were. Or even, thinking in the future, what if she all of a sudden develops feelings for you? Yours is already gone, so what? Work hard to get them back? Why should you work for them? Because you're a good friend? What if YOU just wanted to remain friends then?
You could also always slow down on the communication between you two, but then the trust between you two will slowly wane. Afterall, its the trust that got you two to become good friends. You really wouldn't be that great of friends anymore if that was to happen, right?
So many possibilities, so many situations, how would you handle it? What is the lesser of evils here? One way or another, something's going to be sacrificed or someone is going to suffer. And they shouldn't. How would you go about settling this in the most peaceful non-sympathetic way?
What if you are really just being selfish for yourself, hoping this gets her to consider you? You hope its not that, but there are alot of 'what ifs' and having a open mind you must consider all the possibilities.
Mind you, there are more details to this, mainly on your part ( Well, my part ).
Oh, this fucking blows. Its times like this, where I wish feelings were like a light switch. Off and On at your will. |
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| 07:18am 23/06/2006 |
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For about 2 years now, I've been trying to remember a certain band. The only thing I could remember about it, was that it started with a "D", yet I could think of nothing of it.
Then my friend mentioned 'Dope', and that was the band.
I'm so fking happy that torment is over! Time to go download songs. ^.^ |
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| Breaking up is hard. |
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| 12:23am 11/05/2006 |
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Yet, this is somewhat amusing! Something I found on the intraweb.
Brad,
It would be difficult for me to be any more miserable right now, I feel like the worst person ever. First, let me start by saying that I am truly truly sorry, and I hate myself for hurting you. Of all the people in the whole entire world, you were honestly the last person that I would ever want to wrong in any way. There is no excuse at all or anything that happened, so I won't even try other than to say all of us had WAY too much to drink, and I did a stupid thing. I can handle you being pissed at me, I absolutely deserve it, I can even handle the ugly words that were exchanged between us, what I can't handle is thinking that you see me as a different person.
It is weird, I feel like I just went through a horrible break up or something. The world looked funny yesterday, I couldn't crack a smile if you paid me, there are songs I can't listen to, and I just feel beyond crushed. I don't know if you meant everything you said to me, and I am hoping that you didn't. I know that I was wrong on many levels, but I am also hoping that this is something that we can deal with. I know it sounds totally crazy and stupid, but you have come to play such a significant role in my life, I can't imagine my days without you.
It is totally strange and weird to say that, and you could say that my behavior didn't reflect that, and you would be correct. I hate feeling like you hate me, and I hate feeling like all of your friends think I am a terrible person, because I am not. I know there is nothing I can Say or do to take back what happened, but I just want you to know that fighting with you was just about the worst thing I could have ever imagined. It was right up there with one of the ugliest nights of my life, and I would give anything in the world to rewind and fix it. I am not sure if you will respond to this, part of me thinks that you won't. If not today, then maybe some other time.
Also, thanks for getting my stuff together, although I think my sunglasses are still at your house, if you could keep your eyes peeled for them that would be great. I can't even focus or work today, I can't eat, I seriously feel like it was an ugly break up, and I am hoping against hopes that it was not that and you are not done with me. Please don't cut me off, I really don't think I can handle that.
I am so sorry.
Elizabeth
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RESPONSE:
Dear Elizabeth,
Thank you for your concern. I'll be sure to file it away under "L" for "Long-winded diatribes from drunken whores I couldn't care less about".
You did a stupid thing huh? No...doing long division and forgetting to carry the one is "a stupid thing"; Mixing in a red sock with a load of whites is "a stupid thing"; Blowing some guy in a bathroom for 45minutes while I sit at the bar wondering if you're taking so long because you ate too much bran that morning isn't as much a "Stupid thing" as it is grounds for permanent removal from my social calendar.
To be honest, I'm not sure if it was more amusing that you went and degraded yourself in a public toilet not once but twice in a 2 hour span, or that you seemed to think that by saying "Well, I didn't F**k him" somehow gave you a clean slate. So forgive me if I couldn't care less if the world "looked funny" to you yesterday. Since your world revolves around blow dryers, golden retrievers, Prada Bags and Jelly Beans, I'm sure it must have been most unsettling to actually have to consider someone else's feelings for 24 hours straight. The good news for you is that my friends don't think you're a terrible person, they just think you're the average run of the mill cum-guzzling blonde who commands about as much respect as your average child porn collector.
I could be wrong but, it's pretty hard to respect some B&T chick who comes out to spend the night at my place even though she's seeing someone else in New jersey and winds up tongue-bathing the taint of anyone who decides 30 minutes of droning commentary on Colin Farrell's new haircut is worth putting up with for a hand job in the men's room. The good thing about being a guy is that when I eventually bump into the young lad who finger-blasted you on top of a towel dispenser last saturday, we'll have a shot and laugh our heads off about the time it happened.
By the way, for the amount of time you claim to spend in spin class you really must be doing something wrong to sport the thunder thighs you do. Watching you parade around my bedroom in a thong was a little like watching sea lions mate. Thought you might like to know.
PS. I forwarded about 100 people on this email.
Talk to you never,
Brad |
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| An Update |
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| 09:11am 07/05/2006 |
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If you want a good laugh, click this link. And yes its safe.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=YdOON54sb2Q
And yes, you'll laugh your ass off. So you may want to save it till you're having a bad day and need a good cheering up.
Also, those of you who are on my Yahoo Buddy List, if you get a message from me sending you to some link of a website... THAT IS NOT ME. My account got jacked and I'm trying to get it back. Fucker managed to change the alternate email address and stuff before I could do it myself.
Aw well. |
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| Random Thoughts this past week |
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| 03:17am 29/04/2006 |
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I can pretty much count on one hand the amount of people whom I can trust wholeheartedly.
Hanging out with Josh and Joe the past week, all we need is Halo and 2 other Xbox controllers then it'll be back to just like how it was.
Found out that a friend of Josh's knows the girl whom got me addicted to red hair on females. Small world after all.
Alot of old friends/acquantances are in the military.
Conkers Bad Fur Day has got to be the coolest game ever, simply due to the humor in it.
I've been trying to light up this eraser penguin head for a few days and it refuses to melt/burn.
My Biology teacher was perhaps the funniest guy I've come across. Keyword: Was. Now that his wife has some sort of fatal cancer, he's never been happy. Makes me feel really bad when I attend his class, knowing I won't hear any of his jokes cause of his ( And her's ) suffering.
I've been trying to figure out what exactly was different about me from the past till now.
Why is my favorite color green? What makes it appealing from the rest of the colors?
Close mind or open mind, which is better?
Holy shit, I actually aced my Final in World Civ? 110? Sweet!
Hm, what to play... Rome: Total War, Warcraft 3, DAoC, or Planetside...
Job!
I'm too damn shy. I've loosened up abit, I hate it and yet love it all the same.
Josh just pointed out to me a mailbox with the numbers 1337 on it.
I need to take outdoor pictures. |
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